A weight loss blog...OMG! What am I thinking! Well, for starters I am thinking that I need some form of accountability for what I am about to do...which is embark on a journey to lose weight. I figure if I share myself with the entire blogger universe that I will, somehow, feel accountable to the entire blogger universe! I also am SICK...I repeat...SICK of being fat. Have I hit rock bottom...Heck, I don't know! I just know that I am sick to death of being fat (haven't I already said that!).
It hit me at the oddest time. 3am. I was awake, (as I sometimes am then), and I was obsessing, (as I ALWAYS do), about my weight. And it dawned on me that I am caught. Caught in a trap, much like a gerbil running in a wheel of destructiveness.
I am destroying my body with every unhealthy bite I take (and I have taken MANY unhealthy bites in my lifetime!). I am destroying my mind by constantly thinking that I am a fat failure. I am destroying my soul by blaming God for not helping me and praying continually for a change that only I can make. I am destroying my family by not being healthy for them. Yes, I am very much caught in a destructive "wheel" of my very own making.
So, yes, I am griping...but, in my griping I hope to find freedom. I hope to figure myself out one step at a time. I hope to jump off the wheel that I have been running (and NOT the "good" kind of running ether I might add!) for most of my adult life.
And, that is where this blog will hopefully help me. I am not writing this for you...the general public. Some of you will be cruel (which is what a fat person braces themselves for on a daily basis...), some of you will be kind. Some of you will identify, some of you won't be able to even believe that a person could possibly think this way. But, in any case, I have to record what I am going through. I have to document how I feel. Right now, I am a gerbil on a wheel, trying to get off. And, I am hoping, that this blog will help me to slowly recover and make that jump.
My name is Rebecca. I am going to be 40 years old soon. I am a mother of 3 kids and a wife to a very accepting and loving husband. And I am fat...overweight...obese...however you feel comfortable in saying it-that is what I am. I weigh 283 lbs. There, I said it. Just rip the band aid off! I don't even think I can write that again. But, obviously, I DO need help. So, here I am...defining myself by my weight as I have for many years. Hopefully, at the end of my journey, I will be able to define myself as so much more. Baby steps people...baby steps.
Peace...
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